Another 5 months have gone by. And it occurred to me, let's write. Yesterday, I left the house in search of some perspective - I had been at home in the morning, and although I had plenty of work to do, I found myself entertaining my hands with bits around the house. So I had to leave, go out, get some air, with the hopes of returning ready to work. I sat at the window of a coffee shop in Clapham, it was raining outside but the light was precious. I opened a journal that I use to write my to-do lists and I rebelled. I wrote freely, no lists of things to do, just put to paper what was floating around in my head. Not edited. Not planned. I just flowed. And towards the end of the page, I found myself rewriting that word: flow. Flow, flow, flow. And I wondered, why flow? How flow?
Yes it's true, I've returned to this page to reread something I wrote 5 months ago that still holds true. What's curious is the continuous desire to find inspiration and depth in the quiet moments of life. I've realised that I paralyse myself with thoughts of purpose - to be truly honest, what's held me back from blogging through the years is not having a purpose that serves others. I would repeatedly say, 'why write if it's for no one?'. And here I sit, realising that I write for myself. And there's beauty in knowing that these words might find someone, even if it is just me, that these words may welcome that stillness that I so crave. There is this constant need to find entertainment, to have things entertain me. But it means that I forgot to look, to listen, to appreciate and understand my own life, and to let me entertain the world. A bit crazy, I know, but is it not the same for you?
So much has happened. And I regret that I have not done much to celebrate these changes. Firstly, we moved. Matt and I now own a house which we live in. I know. Grown-up, hey? Secondly, I got a job secured for after the summer. I'm so grateful that things are falling into place, that what was once a vision a few years back is now becoming a reality. I could keep numbering, thirdly's and fourthly's, but the general gist is that we've been places, we've grown things, we've seen people. And we've also has a crap time, but it was empowering to know that we were able to get through it.
Tomorrow we go to Ireland. I thought, perhaps I document the journey? And so, perhaps I will. We're staying in Dublin for a few days, then we're hiring a car to drive down along the coast, past Cork, ending at Shannon Airport to fly back. Eight days. I'm looking forward to the scenery, the long drives, the warm pubs, and the ocean of course. My dear ocean.
A few things to do before I go:
- Cook something with our leftovers and freeze it.
- Get some luggage and pack.
- Paint the knob on my desk.
- Use up oranges: make freshly squeezed orange juice.
- Decide what to do about the camera.
See you soon, I hope.
Much love,
Sofia
